Falling and Picking Up

Well last night was the last night I’ll be spending in the Grove for the next five weeks or so. As the various members of our hall filed out, the hall became less lively and soon the man wall was taken down, further solidifying the finality of this moment: the semester is over. I have survived with pretty good grades, made some sweet friends, and come to a point where I am beginning to understand where I need to be in relationship with God.

The truth be told, the past 2 months have been, as far as my personal character and relationship with God go, two of the worst months of my life. I became a very selfish person in the span of this time, and did more damage to people than help. But that’s all behind me now. I’ve made my mistakes, and it’s time to accept responsibility, accept forgiveness, and forgive myself.

Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Learn to pick myself up. That is something I often relegate to other people to do for me, instead of learning how to do it myself. I don’t like it when I fail, so I normally let myself sit on the ground in self-pity or analyzing the crap out of what caused me to fail trying to make myself perfect.

But that will never happen.

I can’t be perfect.

I will never be the person I am meant to be until I accept this fact, and embrace it. I have to embrace the flaws I have, and know that God loves me in spite of them. In fact, the only way I know how to love God is because I fail so often.

If I was perfect I wouldn’t need God. But I need Him so desperately.

So I’ll keep praying and keep striving to be the best person I can be, but at the same time I’ll learn to live with my flaws, and hopefully begin to understand that they help make me who I am. And this truth is actually quite beautiful, for God works in us despite our flaws. And sometimes He even uses our flaws to help others. What could be more beautiful than that?

Girls, Groves, and God

In recent dorm/college life news the ceiling in our hallway has now become home to various pictures of attractive movie stars and actresses. This may sound weird, but firstly we are guys, secondly none of the pictures are crude on any way, and thirdly there is a story behind this. One side of our hallway is deemed the "man wall" and has pictures exuding manliness such as Slash from Guitar Hero 3, Jason Bourne, a Subway pastrami sandwich, some random spanish dude we found in the lounge, etc. The other side is home to the "woMan wall" or "the you are dead to me wall". This wall includes pictures of kittens looking horrified spewing comments of "dumbledore is gay?" and the like. The wall is also home to a picture of the recent incarnation of the Rocky franchise...because come on...five is way too many. So this only leaves the ceiling to put other things on. In fact, up until two days ago the ceiling was untouched, however someone put a picture of Megan Fox(Transformers girl) on the "woMan wall" and this being a clear discretion of the rules, she was moved to the ceiling.

Then in the span of about two hours, Natalie Portman(circa Attack of the Clones), Hadyen Panettiere(of Heroes fame), Kiera Knightly(unfortunately a picture from King Arthur), I think Kate Beckinsale, and of course the aforementioned Megan Fox were now over our heads as we walked. I was looking for a picture of Reese Witherspoon from Walk The Line, because she looks better as a brunette(as anyone does), to put up there and couldn't find anything except a picture all too small.

Now I'm sure there are a few of you reading this, thinking that this is a little creepy and wondering why me, who has a girlfriend, was actually thinking about participating in this. However, I think a little differently, and I think Draya actually helped me think about it in this way. If one is not lusting after a girl and is simply admiring her beauty, something that can be hard to do depending on the nature of who the girl is and other factors, then it is almost akin to admiring a sunset. God created people to be beautiful, and if you can find that beauty in people and praise God for it then there is nothing wrong with it. Being attracted to people is a natural thing, just as long as this attraction doesn't morph into something potentially deadly to either a relationship with God or a significant other it is a normal part of life.

I still think one girl is prettier than all the rest. Now on to the serious part of this blog.

When I was riding back to Massachusetts, I started to listen to the trusty Relevant podcast to ward away my boredom and offer some laughs, music, and spiritual reflection. During one of the podcasts(I must have listened to three or so), Sara Groves preformed a couple songs from her new album "Tell Me What You Know." One of these songs was entitled "I Saw What I Saw", and I can say that is one of the most breathtaking songs I've heard in a while. Just Sara Groves and a piano breathlessly dropping notes into the air...but it was so much more than that. I listened to it over again, and let her voice softly resound through my ears.

So when I got back to school I opened up good old Ruckus and downloaded the album. And while the rest of the album is definitely worth a look for fans of female vocalists and intelligent lyrics, "I Saw What I Saw" still stood out. But it wasn't until a read a recent interview with Sara conducted by Christianity Today that I fully comprehended the song...well as much as one can comprehend a piece of music like that. She talks about the whole album as a culmination of really an idea started in her mind a few years ago when she began to get involved with International Justice Mission, a charity that rescues girls being abused in the sex trade, and many other things. The album to Sara is a call to get up and do something about things happening in the world, and it is seen very much so in the lyrics.

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love

That is the chorus to "I Saw What I Saw." This is what Sara said about the song, in particular the second verse.

"That one gets me every time. I have a hard time even talking about it, and I had to go gather myself many times when I was trying to do the vocals.

I heard the story of Nagaraj, a man who with his wife was enslaved in Southeast Asia. He was working sixteen hours a day, seven days a week. They had three young sons, and as they began to get older, they were being groomed to be slaves themselves. They were beaten. They had to work in the hot sun. They were not allowed to go to school.

Nagaraj watched the abuse of his family every single day, and he started to say, "This just can't be their future. I can't live with that." And so God made a way for him—through a miraculous set of circumstances—to connect with IJM. IJM conducted an investigation and ended up freeing all eighty people that were in that compound.

They applied for a grant, and now Nagaraj and these other eighty people own a brick co-op. Now the imprint on the brick is Nagaraj's initials, where it used to be the slave owner's initials. And he holds up this brick and he says, "This is my sons' legacy—it's freedom."

In that second verse of "I Saw What I Saw," I am singing about Nagaraj's young son. I was thinking about this little boy, and asking always the question in my heart: What was heavier that whole time—the weight of those bricks as he was being groomed to carry more and more weight? Or the weight of glory on that little boy's life as an image bearer of God, not a mere mortal? When you start seeing human beings like that, it changes the whole scenery."-Sara Groves, http://www.christianitytoday.com/music/interviews/2007/saragroves-1107.html

I encourage you to read the whole interview, to understand things going on in the world a little better, and like I try and fail so often I ask you to attempt to do something about it. It's not easy, and I spend a lot of time talking and not enough doing, but without knowledge people will never really know why they should act. So check Sara Groves out...her music may not be for everyone, but the message she is spreading is for everyone. Watch for God moving in places you might not expect it, but don't look at our ceiling. It's missing the really important women...people like Sara Groves.

Aquinas and Happiness

Well I'm back. Back in the Grove, sitting on the second floor of the SAC marking papers with a blue highlighter trying to encourage myself to actually do some schoolwork, when all I really want to do is something other than schoolwork.

I'm working on a paper for Civilization, one of those great Humanities classes that GCC makes everyone take in order for them to have a well-rounded education. In talking to others and hearing about their papers it sounds like mine may be one of the harder ones that is required to be written. I have to take a reading from some great philosopher/theologian of old and analyze it searching for his answers to two of James Sire's seven questions that every worldview must answer.

At least by now its going better than it was the other day riding back from good old Massachusetts. I was sitting in the backseat of Uriah's car trying in vain to understand what I was reading. I had determined that perhaps I would do Aristotle's musing on the human soul as my reading to analyze, but wait, all Aristotle answered was one of the worldview questions. Sigh...well maybe Thomas Aquinas then. Nope, not him either. It was at that point I gave up for the day.

Of course as I sit here now I am actually highlighting Aquinas' work as when I read it later with a clearer mind I discovered he does, in fact, answer two of the worldview questions!! HOORAY!! Can you feel the sarcasm seeping through?

However, more importantly this reading points to the fact that the ultimate happiness of man consists in the contemplation and understanding of God. And you know what I don't believe that as much as I should. I mean I do believe it, but I put it on the backburner so often, especially over break trying to see all my friends, which is by no means a bad thing, and can be very spiritually uplifting. But what about all these times at college where I'll play Guitar Hero for another hour instead of seeking God and His truth, the only thing that can really bring happiness. I need to stop settling for anything other than the ultimate happiness of knowing God...because I certainly do more times than not.

Truth Elitism

Truth. What is it? Why are people so obsessed with finding it, or in many cases avoiding it? Why is the pursuit of truth and knowledge so central to mankind’s purpose on this earth? Truth is one of those words that when uttered can bring together or immediately tear apart. The funny thing is that often those people or organizations most interested in finding the truth also have the biggest divides internally because of battles over the so-called truth. Real truth should unite, yet it tears apart so often. However, this does not mean that truth does not exist as some would promote.

However, it is understandable how some people may prefer to believe there is no truth, when those who promote absolute values are at times incredibly arrogant about their intellectual superiority in finding truth. Truth does not give one a license to hold it over other’s heads in an elitism that can only be described as pompous and pedantic. Unfortunately, as I can attest this mentality so often seeps into life, especially it seems in the life of a Christian.

I know I’ve held my knowledge of the truth and my personal “piety” over others before. I’ve used it as a license to call myself better than the unchurched. But this mindset is not only damaging but blatantly un-Biblical. Jesus condemns those who hold their knowledge over people. In fact, he tells the Pharisees that they are hypocrites, and are filled with rotting flesh inside. Yet on the outside the Pharisees were the ones that knew everything, but the knowledge of their minds did not translate to their hearts and their treatment of other people.

Why is this truth elitism such a prominent outlook in Christian circles? Sometimes it seems so ingrained in the foundations of modern day church people fall into it and don’t even think about it. It isn’t even always related just to those who aren’t Christians, but also other denominations. Every denomination believes everything they hold as doctrine is 100% right and will fight to the death with the others for the right to call their opinions supreme. Why do we feel the need to know we possess all the truth? Why is it so hard to accept that possibly someone may believe something different and it is ok?

In America we are very prideful, and whether people like it, or want to admit it, this pride influences our entire outlook on life and religion to the point where we feel the need to be better than other countries and to show our superiority. Why do you think America so often meddles in other countries affairs? We think that we know everything and want everyone to conform to our political systems and beliefs, when we don’t even know anything about their culture. I feel like the church, especially the fundamentalists of yesterday, feels this same way. We try to reach people from our white-middle class perspective instead of caring about their struggles and their sub-culture and reaching them through that.

It all comes back to the belief that once we think we’ve found the black and white on sometimes obviously gray issues, we inscribe these beliefs in stone, like our own personal 500 Commandments, and if someone wants to follow Jesus they must meet these criteria. Jesus never did this, he ate with the tax collectors and prostitutes something the church always preaches about but rarely does in any capacity. The bible says in John 8:32, “you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” The truth has set us free, but why do we use it to capture people in our own dogmatic views? Before we were set free we were no better off than those that we now think we are better than.

People are intrinsically equal. God did not create some people better than others, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It says in the Bible that God is no respecter of persons, meaning he doesn’t care if know everything about the Bible and do nothing with it or if one person knows a lone verse of scripture and with that verse does great things. Who will God said has done more with what they’ve been given?

So clearly this truth elitism is something that is not only dangerous to the Christian’s view of the lost world, but also between other Christians who may not hold exactly the same views. How many times has one denomination refused to work with another one simply over things such as predestination and eternal security? What’s the point of that? News flash: we are all Christians and we should be united. Sadly this is not often the case.

So how do we remove this truth elitism from our lives? The simple answer is to recognize it and attempt to stop doing it. Some people don’t notice it and even if they do they enjoy the elevated feeling it creates over others. This view is damaging as well as not in keeping with the Christian walk. Everyone is equal and has the same chance to find the truth, so let’s start acting like it.

North Coast '07

It's 5:55 am.

"Can you hear the sky turn red?"

That's my cellphone alarm alerting me that I need to wake up. You may be asking, why do I need to wake up at 5:55 am? Actually, I was asking myself that very same question as I rolled out of bed, stumbled down the hallway into the bathroom and gathered my stuff for North Coast, an Ultimate tournament in Cleveland. Yes indeed, that is why I was awake, to go play ultimate with the Grove City College club team.

So there I sat waiting for Jimmy Pang, a good friend and frisbee phenom. He finally walked down the stairs and we headed for the SAC. It was freezing, and remained about the same temperature throughout the entire day. Needless to say we met up with the guys and boarded the bus and set off for Ohio.

As we powered eastward, the sun began to rise behind us. Now if you know me a decent amount, you know there is nothing more I love than sunrises and sunsets. I get to see a lot more of the latter than the former, mainly because I don't often find myself awake at 5:55 in the am. This one was beautiful, the soft gentle pinks contrasting with the bold orange as we rumbled past the outstretched trees lining the highway.

Despite getting lost a couple times we arrived on time at the Polo Grounds, the curious place where the tournament was being held. We collected the food that they gave us, and set out for our first game. We handily defeated Kent State 15-7, and I actually caught a goal, courtesy of Hunter Stewart, which basically made my day. But it was still freezing out.

We lost our next game to Bowling Green 14-13, and then beat Case Western B 15-8. I caught another goal in that one courtesy of the amazing Mark Lyon-Vaiden. We entered the final game, spirits high, and lost to Ohio Wesleyan 15-13. We retreated back to the warmth of the bus, took some more food, and headed back for the Grove. Of course, we managed to get lost again, and made a two hour ride at least a half hour, if not more, longer.

So there is my first real experience with Ultimate tournaments. I can't wait til I'm the one one the field the whole game, making those crucial throws. I love to play disc and I think today confirmed it. So if you'll excuse me I'm off to sleep....

Fun in the Grove

Today began like any other typical day in Grove City. Getting up a shade before 10:30 I decided to forgo Homecoming chapel, mainly because I felt really tired, and it was starting in ten minutes. So I went about waking up, and then was about to listen to a Rob Bell sermon when Draya called. I talked to her for about a hour and then decided to just do nothing for a little while. However during the course of waking up and doing nothing I decided that I was not going to eat at the cafeteria for dinner and was going to go to get some Taco Bell. This entailed a 45 minute walk, but it was well worth it for the wellspring of deliciousness on the other side.

So at about 5:30 Adam and I embarked on our journey to Taco Bell/Walmart/Sheetz. Sharing beautiful memories of days gone by, or should I say video games gone by, the walk passed quickly as we shared stories of excitement and despair relating to the digital realm. As we neared Taco Bell I espied that it was 49 cent taco day, a fact that made my night automatically better. So we ate, all the while continuing our discussion, and eating some of the best Taco Bell ever.

Then we finally entered Walmart. I had one mission: find Zoolander and purchase it. I quickly realized that I was about to fail in this endeavor as there was nary a copy to be found. However, there was a five dollar movie bin which Adam and I searched through for a good fifteen minutes leaving no stone unturned. I picked up Tears of the Sun and Adam found a couple himself. Then I debated about buying a few different computer games before deciding to buy none of them. During this time Adam decided not to buy his movies, and so I approached the cash register with one movie in my hand. As I drew close to buying it Adam trying to convince me to not buy it. Now I had a dilemma on my hands and needed some time to think about it. So I did what any good man would do when faced with this decision: go look at hats.

Now I found no hats, but we browsed the tie selection and then I decided I needed some new boxers. So as we viewed the odd array of men's underwear(string bikini style?) Adam decided he might want some moccasins. I finally found some less than scandalous undergarments and we moved to the shoe department. One thing I gained from the shoe department is that they make really awesome slippers for girls and not for guys. Our trip was in vain as Adam decided against purchasing his foot apparel, and I thought hey we already walked around half the store, why not make a night of it and go around the whole thing?

So we debated on the usage of a extremely small bunkbed, decided that it would be cool to deck out our eventual homes in amazing lamps and such as we moved into the toys section. Now, I forgot to mention that while we were browsing the clothing section we picked up some do-rags. I myself chose the orange flames, and Adam picked the skulls to show off his bad self. I figured flames were appropriate for some one as hot as me. (totally kidding!) These are not your ordinary do-rags mind you, but wal-mart specials, and like anything at wal-mart totally worth the price of 1.44 we paid. As we walk through the toy section praising the merits of various toys our eyes alight on some lightsabers.

As some of you know I am a self-proclaimed Star Wars geek. It used to be much worse back in junior high. Let's see there was the card game, video games, and endless trivia battles to see who was the "true" Jedi Master. Then there was the summer I basically read the entire library of Star Wars books. So when Adam suggested we buy them...I tried really hard to resist, but it was only inevitable that I would give in. Especially because these new lightsabers have spring activated blades, which may be the sweetest innovation next to the computer chip. Needless to say I was very close to walking out of wal-mart with a five dollar movie and instead I spent 35 dollars. But I figure how many other chances does one get to purchase a do-rag and lightsaber at the same time?

So we began the long trek back to college, except now we were no longer Adam and Carl, students of Grove City College. We were Master C-dizzle and Knight Bog-shizzle, Jedi of the hood. I mean after all I am from Springfield. We fast approached the college, making a momentary stop at the sketchiest, yet possibly most well-equipped small town movie store I've ever seen. So much better than Movie Gallery in Monson...at least I think they had new releases on the shelf, one that actually just came out, not last year's blockbusters. And they had some super nintendo and sega genesis games for sale...priceless.

Anyway, we finally made it back into our dorm. The first person to see me in both do-rag and lightsaber was Jack, as I made my way to the RA's room to secure a screwdriver to fully equip our sabers with batteries. I think he enjoyed my ghetto mastery if his laughter was any barometer. And there the night basically ended...and God knew I needed something like that. I needed to be crazy and just get my mind of things. God works everything out for those who love Him...and its awesome.

P.S. You need to read my friend/roommates take on this incident as well. check out blogspot.theempyrealwordsmith.com. NOW!

Liberty vs. Stupidity

Well I felt it was time to unleash a new blog upon the world, or at least the few people that read this thing. Anyway, tonight me and Adam went out with our RA, his family, and some of his friends for dinner. This was my recompense for winning assassins, and an opportunity to get off campus and away from cafeteria food, something always worthwhile. So we made it to Rachel's Roadhouse, and we ate and everything was good. After that we went and hung out in this open-air type room which featured table-top shuffleboard, many loud voices, and plenty of drinking.

Now I have nothing against anyone drinking in moderation, but as soon as alcohol intake begins to impair your mind or wallet, I would think it wise to stay away from. This is not simply my opinion, as God also warns against being drunk, as it leads down many bad paths. I also grew up in a very conservative household and church as far as alcohol consumption goes. Therefore I am totally unaccustomed to people in general drinking, not to mention Christians drinking. That is if most of those people were Christians. Now I'm not here to judge by any means, and I have to be careful of doing just that, but it seems to me that a large number of the people there tonight were either students at the college or alumni. It left me wondering who were the true Christians on this campus, and how many there actually are.

Once again, I think that if you drink and enjoy it in moderation, more power to you, but at least as far as I have ever known, I've never heard of drinking making something more fun or entertaining. I just can't understand the allure. Why pay more money for a beverage that after you've downed 3 or 4 slows down your reactions and mental capabilities? Not to mention most people cannot enjoy alcohol in moderation, and once you cross that line, its hard to go back.

So you won't catch me drinking after I turn 21. You might see me hanging out with friends in bars or places that serve alcohol, but I don't feel the need to touch the stuff. It seems like there can be a lot of peer pressure sometimes or just a belief that drinking makes you more of an adult. It's true I felt a little younger there tonight, but I don't think it had anything to do with me not having a beer bottle in my hand. I just don't think I could ever get used to almost it seems needing to have a beer to have a good time, and I pray I never will think in that way. Just because one has liberty to do so does not mean they need to exercise it.

Happy Birthdays

Last night a bunch of us amazing studly guys from 1HP went out to serenade our good friend Sadie on her 17th birthday. We met in our hall, and after a hastily arranged practice, which involved Kevin attempting to learn Happy Birthday on the guitar we ventured forth into the night. Our mission was clear: to be as stealthy as possible in order to avoid the campus sfety patroling outside. As we embarked into the clear, cool night we noticed a lot of couple saying goodbye to each other before bed. And by goodbye I mean about 4 minute hugs...hey couples you are going to see each other again in the morning! I'm 8 hours away from my girlfriend, and if I'm doing pretty well with that I don't need to see you hugging your girlfriend like its the last time you are going to see her in 3 months every night...

Anyway, excuse the rant. We finally made it to MAP North side, and began our serenade. Launching into it at full breath, we let our glorious voices raise to the sky. They weren't very glorious but they rose, and we sang. Unfortunately I was the loudest and most off-key, but nevertheless we sang not to sound good, but to bring joy. And this we accomplished...so anyway, that was a good time and I felt I should blog about it.

Like a Child

Right now I'm listening to a sermon by Rob Bell. It is basically serving as my sermon for Sunday because I'm not getting out to church this morning. Oddly enough it seems to be the exact thing that I need to hear at this point in time. The message is called "Like a Child", and Rob is speaking on how children do things that God loves, and as adults we don't do those things as often as we should now. Some of these things are:

1)Don't worry.
2)Forgive and forget.
3)Don't live in a cycle of despair.
4)Not worried about what others thinks.

Now I'm sure different people struggle with different things on that list, but at least for myself I know that other than forgiving people, those other three gang up on me from time to time.

Take worrying for example. Being at college, I'm worried about school and grades. I'm also worried about trying to fit in and find people who really understand me. Then, in a different sense of worry, I think about finishing school and life in the real world. When am I going to get married? Where am I going to have a job? Why does it take so long? All these things combined with trying to balance a long distance relationship with Andraya, not to mention trying to stay in contact with all my other friends, while trying to forge new friendships here, it all adds up. So about once or twice a week I find myself either enormously stressed or really depressed from missing home. The missing home normally goes away when I actually hang out with other people and have stuff to do, but stress tends to stay with me. But kids don't have stress, and if they do it's about what kind of juice they have, not if they are going to get all their homework done and also manage to wake up for class.

Now I don't often live in a cycle of despair, but occasionally I find myself thinking very pessimistic thoughts, and these I realize are not what God wants me to think, and during the summer I was doing very good at recognizing that and shooting those thoughts down. In everything going on here I seem to have lost this skill a small bit. I don't have to fail, and everything will work out for good if I continue to love and seek God. And for all those people who say long-distance relationships don't work...with God nothing is impossible. I need to remind myself of that a little more than I do.

And then we arrive on being worried of what other think, of being afraid to fail. Yes, I am a perfectionist, but back home everyone knew me and to them I could never fail. Here, I'm scared to turn something into the paper for fear that it is going to suck, and people are going to say its crap. I don't know where this came from, but I know its a lie from Satan, and whenever I believe it I cease to trust God and the abilities He's given me, and then I am sinning. So if you guys could pray for me in these certain circumstances thanks...and thank God that I'm starting to pick up on this stuff. I can see the corner I need to turn, and I'm doing my best to speed as fast as I can toward it.

In Recent News

Well I feel like I should update on what's actually happening here instead of just writing random poems describing my mental state.

Yesterday was the OB service project. Requiring us to get up at 8 in the morning on a saturday to go help and serve the community does not sound like a good plan for a college campus, however the turnout was surprisingly large. Or maybe not so surprisingly large considered it is Grove City. Anyway, myself, Henry, Kevin, and Adam were the only brave adventurers from our side of Hicks. After grabbing a quick bit to eat we headed out to the IM room to meet up with out mentor groups, and do some serving. Regardless to say after my last mentor group dinner, where our intrepid leader Dale decided to eat at MAP instead of Hicks or the SAC, I was a little skeptical about what our mentor group was going to be capable of doing. Needless to say only 3 of the actual members of our group showed up: me, Andrew, and Tiffany. Of course this was all balanced out by sweet mentor group leaders Channing and Ashley to help Dale make better dining decisions.

So as we were heading out of the IM room we decided to get breakfast. Sigh. If I had known that we were going to get breakfast with the mentor groups I could have easily slept another 15-20 minutes in the morning. Well as we were finishing breakfast, during which Ashley reprimanded Dale for his obvious lack of tastebuds after he said he thought the food at MAP was just as good as Hicks, we embarked on our journey combining ourselves with another sweet mentor group. We left campus and headed to a trailer park behind the perennial amazing supermarket place, County Market, where we split into smaller groups and did various miscellanious chores for several of the older citizens living there.

My group consisting of myself, Channing, and Andrew volunteered to tackle a project vaguely described as "yard work, and there is mold on the house skirting". We arrive at the house and indeed find there is mold as well as a interesting problem of two boards that used to be in the ground now out of the ground. So me and all my trench digging abilities from helping my dad set up fences decided to embark upon that project, while Channing and Andrew tackled the mold. Strangely enough, I soon learned that the woman we were helping was my Spanish teacher's aunt. It's a small world after all....well this project took me a good 45 minutes to an hour as I was making sure to dig correctly and line everything up, while trying to remove the rocks that were blocking the board's intended path.

During this time, Andrew set off trying to clear the woods of some skunk cabbage which had apparently been smelling up the area. Now seeing as I was apparently the only one who knew what skunk cabbage looked like, I tried to describe it to him. I didn't do so great of a job, because about 15 minutes later he came back around with some random weed of sorts and asked if it was skunk cabbage. It wasn't so I then decided maybe I should head back and search for the skunk cabbage myself. There was only one skunk cabbage, but let me tell you, it was the largest one I have ever seen, which, in retrospect, may explain why Andrew could not find it based on my description. So we removed that, I finished up the board thing, and we left her house in much better condition and minus one smelly problem. And we got cookies!!

So then after this, and a potentially bad incident in which we parked in someone's space, which I still don't understand why it would make someone that mad, we headed to Sheetz to get some food and then to Memorial Park for a picnic of sorts. While in Sheetz we observed a pewter sculpture of The Last Supper, and were having quite a deal of fun placing various other pewter statues in this scene. Then we went to the park, ate, and played some frisbee to cap off an amazing morning. And the other mentor group was really sweet, and I met some really cool people that I hope to see around campus some more.

So that was the OB service project, well worth getting up for. To all of you at home reading this, I miss you guys a ton.

Relax

Stand here and let the waves of the ocean crash
Release
Let it all go
Throw it to sink in the depths of the deep blue

Feel the numbing sting of the chill
As the water surrounds your ankles
Don't run away
Nothing can happen to you

Watch the sunset
Burning a path across your vision
Scream if you need to
God will understand

Feel the breeze
Brush a seductive kiss across your lips
Give in
Let her charms draw you away

Sink into the soft rays of the sun
Feel their warmth caress
Your smooth, smooth skin
As sweat beads

Feel the massage of the wind
As it pushes and pulls you under its spell
Its magic drawing me in
Just drop everything you are doing
Follow where the Spirit leads

Feel the pouring rain
As it falls from the heavens
Onto unsuspecting heads
Its cool confession is almost enough to forgive
Don't let your mistakes drag you down

Fall into the only arms you'll ever need
Fall asleep now, my darling

I'm Just Waiting

I’m Just Waiting

Ten minutes to spill my heart onto this paper
To spill the emotions inside outward
Their myriad of colors each highlighting
Yet another passionate decree of, “I miss you.”

The red of my blood leaking onto the ground
It’s love screaming for a chance to just stay
The black and blue marking my notes and
Bruising my hands as they long for a touch
Of something, something real.

What is real? This grey haze slides past my vision
As crimson consumes the green of summer.
The heat persists, its orange flames
Burning auburn tattoos into my skin
As I flail through the pouring waves of paperwork.

Yellow tears fall from my eyes,
Failing to hide the fear I feel so often.

I’m just waiting…
Waiting for the colors to change.

I’m just waiting…
Waiting to watch the leaves fall.

The blackness of night never leaves tranquility,
As I wait for the pure onrush of blazing white
To burn away all that I hold so dear and so false.

I’m just waiting…waiting…
Waiting to say how much I love you.

Sitting Here

Well, here I am sitting here in my dorm, facing the inevitable onrush of another week of classes. I'm sitting here with pounding bass and punctuating drums filling my headspace, trying to figure out my life. But I'm really not trying to figure out my life...I'm trying to live it. I'm sitting here looking at my desktop wallpaper, and wishing that she was here, or I was there, or any combination of the both.

It's 1 AM, and here I sit. It's been a day of laughs, food, and ridiculous times. Walking to walmart and making Jon order 35 dollars worth of taco bell for us because the drive-thru was closed. Yet I still sit here as I have many a night since I got here, thinking of home. And I'm not entirely sure that is ever a bad thing. I'm having fun here, yet I still want to be back home at times. Some may notice the common thread of many of these last few blogs, being in some way all connected to me missing andraya and home. But the way I figure it, it's healthy to miss people you love...it's the way God longs for us to be reunited with Him.

So I'll throw on iTunes and listen to Yellowcard some more, and think about when I'll see you again. Or should I say see "You" again, or maybe for the very first time? Or quite possibly I mean both of you(You)? Maybe I'm just rambling at this point, yet it has some purpose. I'll let my emotion bleed onto this page, and it bleeds just like everyone else. Emotion is something that is an unique enigma in this world, and can sometimes rage out of control...but when it shows the many facets of its beauty it is quite a sight to behold.

Girls...More Girls...One Girl

Well today marked the first practice of the freshman frisbee tournament hopeful's "Carl's Heroes". This also meant the first meeting of the three girls on our team, Emma, Sarah, and Kelsey. Firstly, I was actually surprised that they came to practice with us, and they also were quite decent which made me very excited for our chances tomorrow...or should I say later today?

Today also marked our first intervis experience! (insert shocked and crazed face here) We actually set foot inside the girl halls!! Yeah, its really not that big of a deal...actually it was sorta boring. A couple things I realized however. One: girls dorms are so much better decorated than guys dorms. The room we went in was really cool, had a ton of pictures everywhere, and just had a cool ambience. This stands in stark contrast with our hall at Hicks, where I am the sole possessor of the most pictures on the hall and I only have 12. Two: it's still akward meeting new girls in college, even if they aren't drop-dead gorgeous and you aren't even seeking a relationship at all. It's so weird, because in high school I knew a ton of girls, and I was used to how easy it was to hang out with them and talk, and I feel like I'm in junior high all over again here. Well, it's not that bad, because I smell a whole lot better and am a little more mature anyway. Three: just like high school, there is some kind of social hierarchy depending on if you talk to girls, and have multiple friends that are girls...oh yeah, more points if they are attractive too (actually that often offers the most points). It's really quite horrible, yet I still manage sometimes to get sucked into it, which makes me sad sometimes. I mean, I would like to have friends that are girls in college, because I love the perspective of girls, and they bring so many great qualities to the table that guys simply lack. But I never want to have friends that are girls simply so I won't be considered a loser...that defeats the whole purpose. Girls aren't there so that us guys can be friends with them and then brag how many "hot" girls are our friends. That's just not the way it should work. Girls are human beings, not things to measure your status in society by, please treat them like people.

"If I could find you now things would get better, we could leave this town and run forever, I know somewhere somehow we'll be together."-Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard

And in all of this crazy talk about girls, there is one who I love. And my social status may take a hit in college because I'm not chasing after any hot girl I see, but that's fine with me. Why should I give up the one thing I'm more certain about than nearly anything else in my life for a mere 4 year popularity contest? I'll let you answer that one, and I'm guessing you know the answer. So, for the next four years, I plan on making a few good female friends, but you won't see me in the pimp category anytime soon. Those days are long over, and I hope to God they always will be. Someone else can take that title, and I'm fine with that...because one beautiful girl is better than a thousand hot ones. And I've found mine...so don't assume because I'm not chasing girls in college doesn't mean I can't, it simply means there are more important things to me than that. A lot more important. Love you. (and you know who you are)

The Saga Continues...

Well apparently we don't have seven girls now, and now I'm trying to find at least a couple. So I got an email this morning from a girl RA who said she had some girls, so hopefully we'll get this whole thing worked out.

As far as the name goes, here's the story: Yesterday I gave Jon the roster and he commenced sending it away. We didn't have a name, and he said it was up to me to pick one because I was the captain...of course I am horrid at coming up with names, so I asked him if he had any ideas. After about 3 seconds of thinking he named the team Carl's Heroes....yep...so now everyone is going to think I'm a vain, arrogant captain...which is not true at all haha.

Well I'm off to my first chapel of the year, hoping to not fall asleep too bad...

SEVEN GIRLS!!

Buenos tardes!

Yes, I am using my new found Spanish knowledge, which happens to be a very small amount. Well, for any one out there reading this other than Adam, who pretty much knows what's going on over here, things have been going really well. The first day of classes was overwhleming to say the least. Getting everything that needs to be done over the semester dumped on you in one class is pretty crazy. But now I've settled into the pattern a little better...basically once you get homework, do it right away, so you don't get behind and you can still have fun at night. At the moment I'm keeping up well, but this is only the first week.

Anyway, in more exciting news the freshman frisbee tournament is coming up. Now a slight problem arose when I found out we needed to have two girls on the field at all time while we were playing. Now if you know me, you know I don't like to sit out when I play games, so my first thought was to make two teams on our hall (1HPEW), which quickly collapsed when I found half the hall was going to be doing something. So we decided to have one team...but there was still one problem: we had no girls.

So last night several of us went on a girl searching mission. I, myself, facebooked a couple and had an acceptance which was quickly retracted when she realized she was going to the campus retreat at the same time. Brad and Henry spent their night at the bonfire walking up to random groups of girls and trying enlist them, which also met no success. Adam got a lead, but actually none of this matters because today I found out from Brad that John (our RA) got seven girls from our sister hall.

SEVEN GIRLS!!

We only have 7 guys on the team! I was hoping for 3 or 4 girls so we could easily sub them and keep the rest of everyone on the field a decent time. So I have no clue how this is going to work with seven girls, especially cause I have not met any of them, nor do I know if they are any good at frisbee. I wish Diana and Sarah (friends from MA, Diana is Andraya's sister) were down here...then our team would be killer. But alas, this is not meant to be, so we must make do with what we have.

Enter problem two: we have no name. Now our freshman IM team's name is "Ivory and the Hicks of Destruction", a perfectly fine name for a bunch of guys, but not exactly a feminine name. Do I want a girly name? Not really, but seeing as we are going to have seven girls on the team, blood, guts, and death are pretty much out in the naming process. So Brad said he would try to come up with one, but if you guys have any ideas that would be appreciated.

Despite all these issues I'm sure it will be a great time...and watch out for our unamed team. We're planning on winning...or at least I am. Now for some more Spanish!

Adios!

Socrates to Decartes

So I'm sitting here in the dorm, where in 15 minutes I will be taking a career assessment test. The results should be interesting. I'm honestly expecting anything from pastor to doctor. Well maybe not doctor, but we'll see.

It's been a long first two days of classes, and everyone is feeling it. Earlier today Adam passed out on his bed and right now Josh is disfigured in some horrible position sleeping on his bunk. This probably relating to his getting up at 5 to watch the lunar eclipse. But I digress, this blog is about the future and careers, both of which I know nothing about. Which means I'm not going to talk about them.

Instead I'm going to talk about how freaking amazing my philisophy class is. Dr. Trammel is an amazing professor from what I can tell already and I'm looking forward to this class a ton. Yep. haha...I'm really tired too. And there still is my life to consign to a internet test as well as a bonfire tonight.

oh did I mention 20 pages of reading Decartes?

And that's it for now...9 minutes and counting.

Missing vs. Loving

I miss people.

I miss Andraya.

I miss my family, watching the Red Sox with my dad.

I miss the Rhodes and Yousfi families.

I miss the soul of Massachusetts: its people. I could care less that I left the polluted mess of a city that is Springfield. I don't miss the dirty skies and dead grass. Leaving Massachusetts was easy; it's leaving the people that was hard.

But there is plenty to love here at Grove City. The people are awesome, and I've warmed up to the OB a bit. The mentor groups are really cool. My hall is awesome, and so are my roommates that are in the room.

The atmosphere here is so much more free than the smog-filled air of MA. Not only weather wise, but spiritually wise. God is here, and while I don't pay as much attention to Him as I should, he nevertheless is here.

Laughter abounds here. The OB OB was tonight and it was fantastic. Laugh after laugh, filled with plenty of inside jokes that only us good GCC students get.

And there is love here. People love God. They love frisbee and the campus. This is where I am going to be for the bulk of my next four years of life and I know that this is where I'll laugh, cry, and love. I know I will bring so many lessons with me, on how to interact with people and God. These years will help define me, and all I can do is go along for the ride.

"Where'd you go, I miss you so..."-Fort Minor

Scooters and Sunrises

Ever do something that jogs a memory, makes you feel like a kid again?

Well I did that today.

So I'm in the dorm, and me and Adam decide to ride our scooters(RAZORS BABY!!) over to the rock by the SAC where the co-rec games where being organized. However, me being myself, decided that I would, for probably no other reason than the fact I was in college and wanted to be crazy, attempt to jump some stairs on my scooter.

So after unsuccessfuly attempting riding through Hicks first floor hallway and jumping the stairs leading to the door due to lack of speed I took on another task. Jumping the stairs heading towards the emergency exit of Hicks cafeteria. So I tried twice and was forced to bail both times.

Then came the third attempt. I lowered my leg and pushed against the dirty pavement and went careening towards the stairs. I jumped cleanly, landed, and for a split second thought that I had completed my task.

Then the scooter went out from under me. I slid across the ground, destroyed my elbow, which now looks very disturbing, and hurt my back and butt as well.

Well that made me think back to childhood. Riding scooters and being crazy...it was so much fun. And just because I'm in college doesn't mean I can't still be like a kid every once in a while.

The service we had this morning outside of Harbison Chapel didn't so much bring back memories but formed new ones. The worship songs were great, and the dude on the jembe(at least that's what I think it was) was incredible. But what I think was so awesome, was the girl, Britney, who spoke had such a passion for being in love with God, something that I always seem to have a problem with.

She said something that caught me off-guard but made so much sense. She said, "God is in love with you." I've never thought of it like that surprisingly. I know God loves me. But I've never thought of God being in love with me. And I've certainly never thought of myself as being in love with God like I would be with a certain young lady. But I think it's something I need to try to do. To just be with God. I'm going to give it my best shot this semester.

I'm going to try to fall in love with God. Not sure exactly how to do that...but I guess it's like falling in love with a girl. It's giving your time to get to know Him, sacrificing your time to find His dreams and what is on His heart. It's strange to view God in this manner, at least for me right now. But I'm trying...and that's what is important.

At College

So I’m at GCC now. A new chapter in life has begun. I’ve left behind youth group and high school and now I alone stand responsible for my decisions. No longer is anyone telling me where to go, when to go, and how I should go about doing these things. It’s a strange feeling to be sure. I am an adult in college, and from now on I must act as one. No more parents helping me, no more youth leaders telling me how to conduct myself, no one looking over my shoulder. That is, except for myself.

Yet in the midst of this God is still there and is the presence that gives me strength to move on and to embrace this new found freedom with the proper perspective. He is the One who now lays the rules for me to follow, and if I truly love Him enough His rules will not even seem like rules. One thing is for sure, His love is pure and is the type of love worth modeling one’s life after.

While I am here in Pennsylvania, free and in college, I still think about Massachusets a lot. I think about all my friends, one more so than the others, yet I think of everyone. The roommates are sweet, even if one is never in the room, and college looks to be full of plenty of new opportunities and new frontiers. It’s a time to embrace everything God has for me and to make a difference in this world. It’s a time to love bigger and dream higher, but to never forget my roots.

It’s time to be myself.

This Too Shall Be Made Right

Sometimes God doesn't make sense.

Why would he take a man with two young children home to be with Him? Why wouldn't he leave him on this earth to care and love his children? Why?

I have no answers, only God does.

What I do know is that God is in control, as cliche as that may sound. I can't even imagine the situation in its fullness, as I was not very close to this family, nor have I ever been in a similar situation. But I know he is in heaven, and this simple truth makes things in some small degree better.

I also know my God is a conqueror of death. He's defeated it once and for all.

The day is coming when all will be made right. "Oh death, where is your sting? O grave, where is your victory?" God has taken their power away and one day all will know this truth. Does it take away the pain? No. Is it supposed to? I don't know.

It says in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for death, and a time for mourning. However, there is also a time for life and rejoicing. So why we live our lives thankful for our life, let us remember how quickly it can be snatched and remember what is truly important. All my insecurities and problems look small in comparison to two young children's loss of their dad, as they should. Yet another wake up call to live each day with everything we have...because no one knows when they will be called home. So please remember this family in your prayers and never forget that each moment we live is a gift from God that we take for granted all too much.

"This too shall be made right."-Derek Webb

The Purpose of This

I try to have everything I do in my life have a purpose to some degree, and this blog is no different. I know I can post notes on Facebook, but somehow it's not quite the same. Anyway, the title of this blog came from two books: Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. Smash them together and you get The Velvet Conspiracy, which will hopefully become an outlet for my thoughts regarding life, love, and God.

I like the name The Velvet Conspiracy, its sounds 80's yet modern. It hints at something deeper than what it may seem. This is my wish of this blog, to challenge thinking of what it means to follow Christ, and to shed light on thing I think the church can do better, but more importantly things I can do better. We can't change anyone else until we change ourselves, and that is more than half the battle. So join me on my journey into adulthood as I try to change myself, and by God's strength may I do so, and with His power may you and I change the world.