Falling and Picking Up

Well last night was the last night I’ll be spending in the Grove for the next five weeks or so. As the various members of our hall filed out, the hall became less lively and soon the man wall was taken down, further solidifying the finality of this moment: the semester is over. I have survived with pretty good grades, made some sweet friends, and come to a point where I am beginning to understand where I need to be in relationship with God.

The truth be told, the past 2 months have been, as far as my personal character and relationship with God go, two of the worst months of my life. I became a very selfish person in the span of this time, and did more damage to people than help. But that’s all behind me now. I’ve made my mistakes, and it’s time to accept responsibility, accept forgiveness, and forgive myself.

Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Learn to pick myself up. That is something I often relegate to other people to do for me, instead of learning how to do it myself. I don’t like it when I fail, so I normally let myself sit on the ground in self-pity or analyzing the crap out of what caused me to fail trying to make myself perfect.

But that will never happen.

I can’t be perfect.

I will never be the person I am meant to be until I accept this fact, and embrace it. I have to embrace the flaws I have, and know that God loves me in spite of them. In fact, the only way I know how to love God is because I fail so often.

If I was perfect I wouldn’t need God. But I need Him so desperately.

So I’ll keep praying and keep striving to be the best person I can be, but at the same time I’ll learn to live with my flaws, and hopefully begin to understand that they help make me who I am. And this truth is actually quite beautiful, for God works in us despite our flaws. And sometimes He even uses our flaws to help others. What could be more beautiful than that?