Like a Child

Right now I'm listening to a sermon by Rob Bell. It is basically serving as my sermon for Sunday because I'm not getting out to church this morning. Oddly enough it seems to be the exact thing that I need to hear at this point in time. The message is called "Like a Child", and Rob is speaking on how children do things that God loves, and as adults we don't do those things as often as we should now. Some of these things are:

1)Don't worry.
2)Forgive and forget.
3)Don't live in a cycle of despair.
4)Not worried about what others thinks.

Now I'm sure different people struggle with different things on that list, but at least for myself I know that other than forgiving people, those other three gang up on me from time to time.

Take worrying for example. Being at college, I'm worried about school and grades. I'm also worried about trying to fit in and find people who really understand me. Then, in a different sense of worry, I think about finishing school and life in the real world. When am I going to get married? Where am I going to have a job? Why does it take so long? All these things combined with trying to balance a long distance relationship with Andraya, not to mention trying to stay in contact with all my other friends, while trying to forge new friendships here, it all adds up. So about once or twice a week I find myself either enormously stressed or really depressed from missing home. The missing home normally goes away when I actually hang out with other people and have stuff to do, but stress tends to stay with me. But kids don't have stress, and if they do it's about what kind of juice they have, not if they are going to get all their homework done and also manage to wake up for class.

Now I don't often live in a cycle of despair, but occasionally I find myself thinking very pessimistic thoughts, and these I realize are not what God wants me to think, and during the summer I was doing very good at recognizing that and shooting those thoughts down. In everything going on here I seem to have lost this skill a small bit. I don't have to fail, and everything will work out for good if I continue to love and seek God. And for all those people who say long-distance relationships don't work...with God nothing is impossible. I need to remind myself of that a little more than I do.

And then we arrive on being worried of what other think, of being afraid to fail. Yes, I am a perfectionist, but back home everyone knew me and to them I could never fail. Here, I'm scared to turn something into the paper for fear that it is going to suck, and people are going to say its crap. I don't know where this came from, but I know its a lie from Satan, and whenever I believe it I cease to trust God and the abilities He's given me, and then I am sinning. So if you guys could pray for me in these certain circumstances thanks...and thank God that I'm starting to pick up on this stuff. I can see the corner I need to turn, and I'm doing my best to speed as fast as I can toward it.