dream

If it was just a dream

It was the best dream I've had in ages

Getting a Glimpse

"In the crowd I caught a glimpse of your eye. Everything freezes..."-Caught a Glimpse, Blindside

We live our lives with our eyes open, taking in colors and movement, and even when we are asleep our dreams hint at vision, often distorting it. We trust our eyesight, often mistakenly, for almost everything. If we can't see it in front of us, we don't think it exists. And then comes that moment that shatters everything, a glimpse of something. A shadow flickering on the edge of vision, beckoning for you to follow it if only out of curiosity. 

This moment is of utmost importance. In one instant a myriad of possibilities is laid out before you. Which way do you turn? Do you follow the glimpse or turn back to life before? Do you follow your eyes or your soul? 

I live from glimpse to glimpse. Sometimes I don't notice them, but when I do they sustain me. They excite me for life and what the future holds. God gives me these glimpses every once in a while. It used to annoy me that I couldn't see my path laid out in front of me. I like this state of flux now. It means that I don't have to know exactly what my life holds, I just have to trust in God. 

Every glimpse I get I hold onto like a treasure. Sometimes glimpses aren't from God, they might just be a reflection of something you enjoy and people around you. Sometimes they remind you of things God has already told you. But they are always there if you can see them. 

And that's the trick isn't it? Seeing those things in the corner of your eye, the things that don't immediately stand out in life. Seeing the flicker of an opportunity and choosing to take it, succeed or fail. This is the breath of life, taking the chance on something unsure. 

God rarely drops his plan right in front of our face. He puts it in the corner of our eye, and we may have to move from the path we are on or just make a minor correction to follow it. 

God gave me one of the glimpses the other day and is continuing to confirm it in my life. I can't tell you how much I value even a little insight and direction from the Lord. And I can't help but wonder how much I still miss, looking straight ahead at my problems instead of searching at the edge of my vision.

"...and I'm ready to give you my heart."

Old Myspace Blog: Flawed

These are some of my old myspace blogs, I'll be sharing some of my favorites over the next couple months, they deserve to resurface, even if it is only Adam that reads my blog.

Flawed. That's what all of us are, flawed children of God because of our sin. Only Jesus can complete us, and not in this world, only in the next. We need to stop hiding our flaws from ourselves and God. Embrace them. God knows them, and He knows who you are and why you have these flaws. Remember God works all things together for good to those that love him...He even uses our flaws. Know your weaknesses, shore them up, don't be afraid to ask someone to help you. We have accepted Jesus, and he lives within us, so when we are walking in the Spirit we are following Jesus' steps. We are in essence showing Jesus to those who don't know Him. So who are we to say God made a mistake, and that these flaws we can't handle. We can't handle these things we can't gain victory of, through Jesus.

"The Gospel tells us two things: We are both flawed and perfect. We are full of pain and trouble, full of questions, yet we are the face of Jesus--blameless, righteous, and perfect."-Dan Haseltine, Relevant Magazine Jan/Feb 2006

I know one thing for sure, when I get to heaven, I am going to ask God why He gave me this mind that is often overthinking, doubtful, and searching. I know there is some reason, but there are times on Earth I feel like there is no reason for me to be thinking all of these idiotic thoughts. Yet, sometimes out of those thoughts come something worth keeping, something that makes an impact. I just wish it didn't take me so long to find that thought.

"It's not about what's underneath, Bruce, but what you do with it."-Batman Begins

God gave me my mind, but my sin corrupts it into the things He doesn't want me to go to. Could it be God does this so that we humans don't trust in our own power, but need someone else to run to? I am to blame for my flaws, but Jesus bought me with His blood, flaws and all. This must mean God will use our flaws in some way. 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not us." God gives us our salvation in our corrupt bodies and minds, so that we can say its not because of me, but because of God. So realize when you think that you are an idiot or you mess up once more; that's where God wants you, realizing that only He can take the flaws and make something out of it. That's what its really all about, glorifying God, flaws and all.

The House

The water began to slowly trickle down the side of the decrepit house, falling from a broken gutter. It traced its way over rotted siding and into shattered windows. A young man stood on the porch in front of the door. A drop of water fell through the eroded shingles and landed on his head. The cool sensation made him look up and observe the decay of the house. Had it been only a year since he last visited? 

The house was new last time he was here. The paint shone in the noonday sun and yard was perfectly landscaped. However, for the young man that was only a distant memory now faced with the condemned building in front of him. What had happened? The young man continued in disbelief as he circled the premises of the house. 

In the backyard he saw the once beautiful garden reduced to shambles, filled with weeds and empty beer cans. The gazebo had collapsed upon itself and was now home to raccoons. A distant memory flickered through the young man's head as he tried to picture what it was like before. But that thought was gone before he could even register he had it. 

The young man knew there was something important about this house, that it carried something inside of it that meant his life would be what it used to be before last year. He decided he was going to repair the house and recover his previous life. 

Over the next five years the man worked tirelessly and finally restored the house to its former glory. He spent a large amount of money and lost a lot of friends because all he cared about was finding what he had before and returning to it. 

One night the man was sitting in the remodeled house and soaking in the beautiful feeling of restoring something that used to mean so much to him. At that instant, he heard a creaking noise coming from the basement. He got up and headed down the stairs. He reached the basement and heard the noise much louder this time coming from the main support beam of the house. He ran over to it and saw that it was almost chewed in half by some zealous termites. 

Then with one final squeal the beam split in two as the house collapsed upon the man. The very thing he had spent time, money and his life on returning to had been his ultimate demise. At his funeral, there were only a few people that showed up, and they lamented the fact that he had spent so much time on regaining the past when he had such a productive future to look forward to living. 

 

Reflections

Today, as I'm sure the entire population of America knows, is 9/11. Seven years ago on this day, the American population stopped and hung in suspense as the World Trade Centers were hit by planes flown by the hands of terrorists. But seven years later, did the events that happened that day actually make a difference in how we live as Americans and Christians?

I'd argue it did, but not in the way we wanted.

We're still the same selfish, arrogant country we've always been. I know on today, of all days, I should be standing behind my country and flying the flag of patriotism high, but honestly, I don't feel like it. I empathize with all the families who lost someone in the attacks, as well as all those citizens of New York who felt the blow much more than the rest of us, but I think the perspective most people approach 9/11 with is not right.

I walked into chapel this morning and heard the song "From The Inside Out" by Hillsong being played. It was a profound moment, seeing as just before my entrance to Harbison chapel, I had been having a discussion with Adam about 9/11. We were discussing the way the country has changed in the years after. He thought it had become more divided because of the war, a viewpoint I can recognize but don't entirely agree with. Before 9/11 the country was just as divided as now, but we forget that because during the aftermath of 9/11 the country came together in a flourish of patriotism that I can only imagine rivaled that of the American Revolution.

But things weren't better before then. They only seem worse because that patriotism decayed very quickly. Remember the 2000 Presidential Election, with the hanging chads, and the what seemed like 100's of recounts. The country was pretty divided over that.

Back to my profound moment. I had been thinking about 9/11 a little bit last night and didn't really arrive at any conclusion. I think it is important to recognize what happened and to not forget that acts of evil can and will happen in this fallen world. But as I walked into the chapel, something I already knew hit me again.

God is the only one who can make it all make sense. The only way I can make sense of the horrors of the earth and offer hope to others is through my Saviour.

I can't make 9/11 go away by bombing the people responsible. I think that's what America tries to do so often. But for those who lost family members and close friends, that hurt will never go away, and it won't be helped by revenge. Only God can help, and often that help is not manifested in the everyday world, but in the hearts of men.

We can't forget, but we can heal.
We can't heal through more violence and revenge.
We can't heal through extreme patriotism for a country that so often does not follow the Lord.
We can't heal through our own feeble attempts at grief and reconciliation.
The only way to be healed is through Jesus.

Does that sound cliche? Maybe, but it is true.

Our desire should not be to see America restored to her former glory, but to see God glorified. I still love America, but my first calling is to love my God. Revenge is a dangerous thing, and the Bible says, "Vengeance is the Lords." It isn't ours to take, so why do we so often?

But on today, of all days, we should lift our voice to the God who can help heal and redeem our fallen nation and our fallen souls. Pray for peace, not war. Pray for the endless cycle of violence to end, even if that won't be accomplished til Jesus returns. Pray for those who are and who you think are your enemies, because you never know what God can do. And don't ever forget what happened seven years ago, but don't let it control you either.

Back and Forth

Do you ever have that feeling that there is something inside of you waiting to burst out but you can't quite put your finger on it? That's what I feel like right now. School has started and already I've been handed my share of unexpected things. I've had to buy more books than anticipated, but that one is my own fault for assuming that I could get out this semester spending a small amount of money for books. My job got off to a bad start, with a weird situation involving the copier not working and me looking like some stupid idiot. My frisbee playing has been lackluster to say the least and I can already feel the desire to work out/eat well slipping away.

There is plenty of good too. I mean the Okie hall is sweet, and I love how me and Jordan's room turned out. Also, I've been able to get to bed earlier due to the one roommate and this makes me very happy. Despite my poor play, it's such a joy to get to play Ultimate and exercise alongside people that are of the caliber that we have at Grove City.

Then it switches back to bad. When your best friend and his girlfriend break up after going out for three years, instantly your day becomes worse, because you feel for him. I don't know what to say or do except be there for him.

Then back to good. Getting to hang out with the Okies is a pleasure and they are totally awesome and this year is going to be sweet. It's kinda weird not spending all the time with the guys on your freshman hall because you were so used to it, but it's a different, yet cool, dynamic.

Then back to bad. Andraya is far away and to make things slightly more difficult, she is an hour behind me at GCC. Which makes phone calls just a little more difficult trying to account for the time difference, especially because I've been trying to go to bed early due to my all 8 am classes this semester. And of course it's never easy being away from someone you love dearly.

Then back to good. At least she has a cellphone now and things are going well. At least she is at a great school where God wants her to be. And so am I. So if we can both place out trust in Him we are heading in a good direction.

I could go on like this forever, with things like how most of my professors seem to be great but some aren't, and how the food is just as crappy as it was last year, but I won't. Because this back and forth gains me nothing other than a simple understanding that life is never always all good or all bad. Sometimes it seems like one outweighs the other and of course we are normally trying to have the good outweigh the bad. But so often life is lived in such a way that the good is hard to see because we are so focused on the bad. And sometimes the good is very hard to find, but it is there.

So instead of complaining about how much it sucks, I'm going to try to find the best in life. It may be stressful and it may be difficult but life is still life and there is good to be found.

Obssessed With Violence?

Recently I was at the movie theater watching the second installment of the new Batman franchise, The Dark Knight. The movie itself was very good, but it was something that the crowd did that got me thinking. This Batman is very violent and dark, with the late Heath Ledger’s Joker being a psychotic killer out to commit evil just for the fun of it. And he does commit much evil and scatters death across the film. The audience’s reaction to much of this was laughter.

Some of the violence was played for laughs, but not to the extent that I heard laughter erupting from those watching. Of course, the movie isn’t real so no one is really dying, but just the fact that on screen hundreds of people were dying and everyone in the audience seemed to find that the most entertaining was quite disturbing.

Is this really the society of America as a whole? Are we really that calloused to death and violence that we find it funny in any movie that isn’t based on a true story?

There is a new movie coming out shortly entitled Deathrace. It is about a new reality tv show in where the contestants are pitted against each other in a race where the cars are equipped with weapons and the winner is the one who survives. I wonder how close America is to having that become a reality on television screens and not merely a fictional movie.

It’s an interesting thought to be sure. I know sometimes I fall prey to these kind of thoughts as well, and it’s hard not to in this media driven society where death and war is treated just like every other news story. People forget or maybe don’t even know what it means for people to be brutally murdered and taken advantage of by violent acts. That is why I think it is so important to have movies that are based on true stories and show people the real tragedies of violence and war.

So maybe next time you go see that new movie, check yourself and see if you think people dying is funny, because I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would assure you that it isn’t.