Dancing the Past Away

I sit here, tie undone, shirt untucked and am amazed at how life teaches lessons when they are least expected.

I just got back from the annual homeschool semi-formal. I wasn’t originally planning on going, but my mom ran into my old drama teacher during the day and I got an invite. So I donned my red shirt and white tie and traversed a mere minute down the road to visit with some of my old friends and acquaintances.

It was kind of like stepping back in time, except everything wasn’t how I remembered. The people I remembered weren’t there, and if they were they had changed, some of them drastically. They still knew me, and there were hugs aplenty and many questions about college, kind of the same old same old, yet I knew that most of these people actually cared. That’s something worth mentioning these days.

I was talking to my friend Tricia, and we began to talk about how it was a new generation of kids in the drama group, and they had their own memories to make, while all we could do is look back on the memories we already had. I then hypothesized if it was like that all the time being an adult. I mean do you just look back on the good times, while the younger people are forging their own good times, or does maybe your perception of good times entail people like your kids making their own sweet times to look back on?

I also had a brief conversation with the mom of one of my best friends who I haven’t seen in a while. I mentioned how much I missed him, and she said, “He misses you too.” The things that happen when you grow up, they aren’t always what you want them to be.

But it was the end of the dance that left me standing in the middle of the dance floor, staring into oblivion, with a lone bag of Ruffles hanging from my hands (it was free, college kids don’t pass up free food). I saw everyone around me, giving hugs, saying goodbye, some of them who might never have the same relationship with those people as they did before and it reminded me of myself last year.

Then everything came flooding into my mind. The realization that you can’t go back, because even if you haven’t changed, which is highly unlikely, everything else has. I was standing there seeing people going through something I had just gone through, and realizing they had no idea what was about to happen. I still have no idea what is about to happen. Maybe that’s why staying in the past is so attractive to people. Something that has already happened is easily controlled, whereas the future is an untamed beast and could very well bite your head off. And sometimes it does.

If you can’t go back there are only two places to be. Standing still wishing you could go back and resisting change as much as possible, or moving forward. You would think the latter would be preferred, considering that the past is not always filled with good memories and the future offers a chance for redemption. But why do we hang on to the past? Why would I rather look backwards at the good things that have gone past then moving forward to correct all the mistakes I’ve made in the past year?

The solution isn’t in the past. The solution is in the here and now. The solution is to trust in the God who controls the universe. There’s a saying, “The future is now.” Which is true because by the time I even think of what I’m going to do two seconds in the future I’ve already done it.

Maybe it hints at a deeper truth that the things you do in the present now will shape your future. The girl you date, the books you read, the movies you watch…maybe all these things shape the future, and we are so oblivious to them. Maybe I need to stop looking back at all my mistakes and victories and march forward confident in the work that God is doing.